COURAGE.

And once again it strikes me that I’m 21 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend or suitor in my life. ever. it gets me in the most inopportune times, like now, when I’m supposed to be making a paper due tomorrow and we have a hell week coming up. Am I sad? Maybe. a bit. I find that at this point I just really want to get this over with. Just so I don’t get really preoccupied at random periods because I pity myself for being loveless and clueless and lame (just because i’m not in the loop and people seem to be going on with life while i’m stuck in a perpetual state of high school or juvenile make-believe).  But am i happy? Yes, I am. I have no right to not be. As a medical student studying and/or training in a public tertiary hospital in a developing country, I know what I’m saying when I say I have no right to not be happy. Is it even possible to be sad AND happy? Well, yes, I believe so. Because I am happy, I know I am. right now. i should be. But at the back of my mind I know I’m missing something. a bit. sometimes. most of the time. fine. probably every week.

I just want someone to be there.

Just so I know what i’m missing.

or what i’m not.

Sometimes, quitting’s the only way to be brave.

I don’t know what you’re doing and let’s face it, I can only really hope that you do. But since I love you and I have to trust you, I will. I’ll believe that you know what’s best for you. Just please be right this time.

You see, with an anonymous tumblr account, you can just say “I love this!” and then reblog. And he will never really know you meant, him. 

I’ll make a river and swim to you,

I’ll cry two million drops of tears.

I’ll learn to fly so I can get to you,

I’ll sell my soul and grow me wings.

I’ll lose myself, my soul, my all

If it means I’ll find you.

Set me apart.

Go on. Leave me behind.

Chase after all the promises you made you.

And I’ll chase after me and you.

You’re not a pray’r, you’re not a dream

You’re more than just another sin

You’re the tears I never cry when I’m awake

You’re the soul I never thought that I could save

I’ve lost myself, my soul, my you

So go on. Go find you.

Set me apart.

Go and leave me behind.

You don’t even have to look back

I’ll be your shadow in the dark.

Set me apart.

Go on. Leave me behind.

Chase after all the promises you made you.

I’ll chase after me and you.

When you’re disappointed in someone, it goes away after a couple of scoops of pistachio ice cream and a can of original thinly sliced Pringles. It’s not really the same when you’re disappointed in yourself, though.

I think about you when it gets really really hard and say to myself, I did this to you too. It hurts more but at least I get by.

I don’t care if she doesn’t love me anymore by the time I find her. I just want to find her. I just want to see her. I just want to be part of her life even if she doesn’t know. For me, for my peace of mind. I love her too selfishly to let go. 

Mahal kita.

Pero, kayo. Tayo, hindi. Kaya kayo ang tama.

Of course dreams don’t come true overnight. They don’t even form overnight.

You can’t not ask for anything when you’re in love. Even if you’re the most selfless person on Earth and you’re not saying anything, you’re wishing for something to happen. And wishing is asking. It’s just that you’re asking God.